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Kathmandu Thursday December 14, 2000 Mangshir 29, 2057.
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What we
really really want
Suman Pradhan
KATHMANDU, Dec 13 - After 35 days of being
glued to the TV, news junkies can now relax. The US Supreme Court, the highest court in
Amrika, as they say, has finally handed down a ruling.
And what a ruling it has been. It will take
lawyers - not mere mortals, they - maybe a day or two to figure out what the learned
justices really meant to in their divided 5-4 decision, according to a dispatch by the
Associated Press. Small wonder then that Democratic candidate and US Vice President Al
Gore has not yet conceded and does not plan to do so until his lawyers decipher the
complex ruling.
While Gore can be sore for the next four
years before he has another shot at the presidency, provided his party allows him that
opportunity, the rest of the world can now begin taking stock of this histrionic US
presidential elections.
Lesson # 1: Presidential elections make for
good TV. Messy presidential elections makes for even better TV. The relationship between
presidential elections and TV ratings is conversely proportional to the mess the polls
create. Therefore, countries, which don’t yet practice the presidential system should
create presidents just for the sake of TV soap operas to keep the masses happily glued to
their sets. No more hartaals, imagine.
Lesson # 2: Hand counting/recounting is
unreliable, machine counting is best. The Election Commission should contract a private
party (provided PAC lets it) and import all the soon-to-be-discarded voting machines from
Florida for use here in Gongabu, Gwarkhu, Musikot, Chandaal Chowk and all the other
polling centres in the country. America alone doesn’t hold the rights to hanging
chads, we do too. It’s time to assert that right.
Lesson # 3: Lessons 1 and 2 would be
impossible without the Electoral College. Let’s have that, by all means. Each county,
oops jillas, would get a finite number of electoral votes that goes to the winner of that
jilla. The candidate who gets more than half of those votes would be declared the prime
minister. After all, even now, we elect our prime minister indirectly. Better to have
electors deciding that for us than Bangkok-hopping, Pajero-riding mananiyas.
Lesson # 4: Have lawyers at the ready. No
lawyers, no mess, I’m sure you agree. This is essential if the voting fails to create
the optimum mess that is required. No problem here, we’re awash in them, as much as
in Amrika.
Lesson #5: Most important of all, select the
right candidates. Republican candidate W couldn’t name Pakistan’s ruler in a TV
quiz show. I bet we have plenty of candidates here who can’t name their own names (at
least during the late night hours).
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