No Laughing Matter

Congratulations!

By Madan Lamsal

Do you think that there should be a valid reason for you to be congratulated? Not at all. If you don't believe me ask our friends of private companies how they are being congratulated. Or, you can go through the daily newspapers where you can see full page messages all filled up with congratulations from different companies or individuals for such and such anniversary or for being presented such and such award or for being elected to the Board of xyz association and so on.

If you feel that you should also be congratulated for anything you fancy of, and that such a message be published in the national dailies, here are some important tips. I am sure that if you follow them sincerely, no one can stop you from being congratulated.

I. Call your kith & kins: Contact all of your kith and kins, your suppliers, distributors and the like and request them for their consent that you will print their names in the newspaper ads congratulating you. They will readily agree as they also feel that they have been honoured. If they are your distributors or those who can not deny you because of some other compulsions, you can print their names even without consulting them.

II. Make something out of nothing: If you have got promotion at office or elected as an executive member somewhere like in the Lions' Club, Jaycees or as a director of a private bank on behalf of the public shareholder, then you can make it very glamorous by giving an ad in the newspapers. It should read like: congratulation to Mr or Mrs. or Miss. so and so for being elected in such a prestigious position. In developed countries it would mean nothing, but here in Nepal everybody thinks that you have really touched the peak of your career. Within a night you become a national figure, a celebrity. What else you want in your life?

III. Seek professional warders: To be congratulated it is not necessary to have done something big within the country. There are many businesspersons in the developed countries whose business is to award people like you in the underdeveloped countries. Only thing you need to do is to fill up a form with few thousand dollars entry fee. Later, either they will send you the award trophy with the citation or they will call you to receive the award. It will cost some money as you may have to buy the air-ticket and book the hotel room for yourself. But don't worry. After all, you are getting an international award. Internationally, your award may mean nothing, but so what? You will be congratulated in your hometown where you have to live your whole life with self-respect. This small contribution of yourself is nothing in comparison to the award you receive.

IV. Establish an award : If all these efforts do not work, or you don't like them for some reason or other, establish an award yourself. But never reveal that it is you who established it. Form a committee of some unknown people and let them announce your name for the award. Immediately give an ad about it congratulating you on behalf of your near and dear ones. For further details you can apply the methods described above.

Now if you want it to be publicized extensively never forget to call, if possible, the Prime Minister or the Minister or at least Minister of as State a chief guest of the ceremony in which you are being honoured. But not less than that. Our Prime Minister and Ministers can be free to do jobs like that as they generally don't like to work while their opposition parties are not working. I hope I don't need to tell you to call the presidents of FNCCI and Nepal Chamber of Commerce as well. Because they will also help make your award function more colourfull as they are equally good at giving speeches which also helps you to further brighten your outstanding personality.

Then automatically, there will be a horde of all the press people. Especially Nepal Television and Radio Nepal will give you a massive coverage as they will be there avoiding other events since the head of the government and the business community will be there.

Now every word you utter will be Brhama's speech to the journos and they will be reporting in their respective media next day about all the proceedings. This can run even longer, e.g. for a week or a month, if you know how to get that and try to find the right journo to do the job. See where you will reach. In fact, you don't need to climb Mount Everest. Now your towering personality will be as tall as the highest peak of the world.

Congratulations!

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