No laughing Matter

Harem Management

by Madan Lamsal

As time changes so do the people and even the meanings of words. Find below some old words with brand new meanings:

HP - It is neither Hire-Purchase nor Hewlett Packard but Hopeless Products, like cheap Chinese chocolates.

HRM – Sounds Harem Management, but it stands in fact for Hourly Rumour Management. A very essential tool for marketing management in Nepal where word of mouth is more powerful than word of print.

IMF – International Money-laundering Forum

Import – Irrelevant word for Nepal as it has no ports.

Infant Industry – An industry which needs the government support. Like hotel industry of Nepal. 

Insurance - A legal contract in which an insurance company promises to pay a specified amount to another party under certain circumstances that only the company people understand.

LIFO - Late Inside (the office), but First Outside, like a hakim in Nepali government offices.

Market Maker - One who stocks enough to cause scarcity. An honorific for hoarder.

MFN - (A product) Meant For Nepalis (because of  being substandard), not for export

NRN - Non Reliable Nepalis

Number One  – A claim that any product vying for Nepali market must make.

Overtime Allowance – Payment to the employee who stays longer than the normal hours at the office to calculate how much more he is going to earn that month for staying overtime.

Paid up Capital - The money that you have paid up to the company and cannot expect to ever get it back.

Parameter - In fact it should be Para Meter, the method to measure the substance of the office report on the basis of the number of paragraphs it contains.

PLC – Public Looting Company.

Policy – A voluminous document to be bundled stacked beneath the staircases at the government offices for future use, especially to be sold to the Khali Sisi Purana Kagajwala.

Poll Tax - A tax to be paid to become a voter. In some cases, it may be an indirect tax as the voter may get it reimbursed from the candidate in the election.

Privatization - Selling the government corporations in a far cheaper price than the market value to pay the interest on debt used by these very corporations.

Project Finance – A practice to lend money against the mortgage of the project property, the book value of which is shown far higher than the market price.

Remittance - The money that comes usually from the Gulf region to Nepal and flows out to China, India and elsewhere to buy items of conspicuous consumption.

SAARC – One big shark and six small fishes

Second Derivative - The grandson of the firm’s owner, the son being the first derivative.

Sleeping Partner – A business partner who always sleeps but snores time and again.

Strike – The first and foremost right of labor unions, political parties and even that of a beggar in Nepal. You don’t give them food, they will survive but strike.

SWOT – Stingy, Wicked and Opportunist Traders.

TQM - Trash Quality Managers.

USP – Utterly Substandard Products.

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