National 9 (Spotlight Weekly)

Tihar Confessions Of A Declared Nothing

Nepal is inextricably linked with its religious culture. So, how does an outsider wade through this entrenched Hinduism? Our resident agnostic takes a look.

By JOE BAVIER

First, let me say, I am not Hindu.

The writer receiving tika : A new experience

This is important, because last week as I sat on the floor, the human canvas for the most elaborate tika I'd ever seen, this was the phrase that kept running through my mind.

In fact, on official forms where I am sometimes asked to divulge my religious persuasion I don't hesitate to mark the space labeled: none. And when the question comes up in conversation, my stock answer is that I am a nothing. Not Christian, not Muslim or Jewish, Mystic Animist or even Atheist for that matter. Nothing. In this area, like most of us, I am largely a product of my upbringing.

After moving to the United States in the late '70's, my parents settled down in a small town just outside Memphis, Tennessee, home of Elvis and a particularly intrusive brand of evangelical Protestantism. The experience of attempting to assimilate into a society where the first question after “What's your name?” is “And what church do you go to?” can be a disheartening one if your response is met with a lengthy pause and a less than sympathetic “Oooohhhhh”. And so, as a kind of defense mechanism, my family developed a dogma of its own: militant agnosticism.

Twelve years of Catholic education did little to deprogram me. If anything, daily lessons in Christian history and comparative religious studies made me bulletproof. Proselytizers of any faith would receive a thorough verbal beating at the first attempt to sucker me in. I could reduce a Christian fundamentalist to tears with a detailed discourse on the inconsistencies in the writing of the New Testament.

So, why was I sitting there on the living room rug having my forehead painted, rather skillfully I must admit, in seven incredibly vivid colors? And why had I been included in ritual the first place?

There is no such thing as evangelical Hinduism, I've learned. You either are born Hindu or you aren't. There's no converting. There's no baptismal ceremony. So, the ulterior motive that I'm used to dealing with was absent.

In hindsight, I now see that's what threw me. The fact that there was no strategy, no angle of attack, no real motivation at all lurking beneath the surface was something completely foreign to me.

And that's why, when Badri Pandey, the head of the family with whom I share my flat, put his arm around me last week and informed me that it was tika time, my defenses let me down. Mr. Pandey had sneaked in under my radar.

“Bring your camera,” he said, as I groped for my shoes. “We will take photos.”

I'm still a relative newby in Nepal. But in the three months since my arrival, I've had ample opportunity to experience Nepali festivals. It seems I can't get through a week without some kind of holiday shutting down the government ministry I'd planned to visit or the post office where I'd planned to mail off a nephew's Christmas present.

I am a veteran of Gai Jatra. Was in the trenches for Indra Jatra. Jumped into the thick of the bloody mêlée at the Gorkha Kalika Durbar on Mahaastami. Was elsewhere for Fulpati, Vijaya Dashami, and Kojagrat Purnima. And, of course, most recently, donned my warpaint for Bhai Tika.

I don't even much like holidays back home. They tend to break up my internal rhythms. I would have been a pretty miserable Newari. But what may surprise the reader, and what, indeed, has surprised me, is the fact that I've actually somewhat enjoyed these day trips into religious life.

And, after much thought on the subject, I now think I can pin this down the reasons why.

The first is that Nepali culture is so intertwined with the Hindu faith that it is difficult to distinguish between culture and religion. By comparison, Christians and Muslims are relative newcomers to their belief systems, and much of their cultural identity reaches back to a time that predates their religious conversion. But to truly experience a Hindu society, you must witness Hinduism in practice.

Secondly, the fact that religious practice is so open is somewhat refreshing. I would never expect to be invited to Friday prayers, even by my closest Muslim friends. Nor am I able to stand up in a Catholic mass and take Communion, if I start to hear my stomach grumble during the reading of the Gospel. No such problem with Nepali Hinduism. If anything, I experience the opposite situation, having to run the gauntlet of aggressive sadhus each time I pass through Thamel.

But most of all, what I think I like most about my recent brush with religion is that it comes with absolutely no obligation.

The American comedian Groucho Marx once famously said he'd never join a club that would have him as a member. I couldn't agree more. And after three months that have seen my forehead almost permanently stained red, there is still no pressure to join up and follow a new path in life.

That's fine by me.