dowry’s
ugly head
Whenever people talk about the
most deeply rooted religious taboos in Hindu society, the custom of dowry
rears its ugly head. When we talk about this custom, our first attention
turns to the remote mountainous villages and the more uneducated corners
of the Terai. But so called city areas are no exception. Such traditions
are most common in societies like ours where the status of a girl is
measured in terms of her parents wealth rather than her talent.
In spite of all our efforts,
why are we unsuccessful in controlling such social vandalism. A few
reasons, some socialists claim, are lack of consciousness, lack of proper
education and fear of being expelled by society. If this is true, then why
are such taboos seen even in highly educated and urban families. Who is
responsible? Certainly, husbands and sons seem to be the most probable
answer because they are more powerful than their women counterparts, not
only in families and society but also in the whole political equation of
the country.
Mainly, men misuse their
position through their mothers, sisters, within society. For instance, in
villages they accept dowry with the support of their mother’s and sister’s
sense of pride and display. Moreover, they demand it directly. But in
cities, the bridegroom’s family begs for the dowry in a very indirect
way. This indirect way is to keep quiet if anything ( TV, AC, beds,
kitchen wares, vehicles and even shoes and shocks) is offered by the
bridegroom side as a formality. Sometimes they demand a dowry on the basis
of religion (like ornaments) and in the name of social prestige (like
luxury items). In this way, the silence of the bridegroom’s side forces
the bride’s father to give expensive dowries beyond his ability.
This is only a part of the
"wedding trade". Another part begins just after marriage and
goes on for several years. In each and every religious occasion, each and
every necessary thing is to be fulfilled by the bride's parents. A girl’s
future is thought to be bright after she is sent with her husband with
each and everything of household need. The father becomes happy to be an
"empty pocket". But it is just an illusion. Happiness and
pleasure cannot be the same. Money can bring pleasure not happiness.
Happiness cannot be expected (for our daughters) from the family which
accepts dowry easily and says nothing against it. The bridegroom not even
tries to find out the financial capacity of his bride’s father.
Is marriage a trade? If not,
what is it? It’s a different kind of trade in which the buyer gets both
goods and payments. This forces me to ask why are we not brave enough to
reject such things which is a sin according to the Veda (the most
respected religious book) and a crime according to law? Can’t they feed
a single woman with their own sweat? Can’t they keep their wives well
with unconditional love? Don’t they have feelings? How can a civil
servant pay such unnecessary things with so little salary per month? |
