THE SUNDAY POST ( a weekly magazine of the kathmandu post )

S E C O N D P A G E

By Smriti Dhungel Gyawali

Be bold enough to dream big" are the inspirational words of an outstanding achiever who strides the risky ladders of the corporate world, with focus and discipline. Success is in the palm of his hands, but was he actually born with the lucky signs of sure genius or was it pure diligence that led him to success after success is something only he can answer.

At the crisp age of 39, Arun Banskota became the Senior Vice President of El Paso Energy International; a Fortune 15 diversified Energy Company, with an enterprise value in excess of $55 billion. His job description includes full responsibility for a business unit that includes the development, construction and operation of all power projects in Asia. The business unit today is the largest private power company in Asia by number of projects, includes eighteen power plants in operation throughout Asia with over $80 million in annual net income, and has a number of opportunities under development.

His recipe for success is simple, "one should be bold enough to dream big and then use focus and discipline in getting there". He has always been a big dreamer, and for the last several years has been a big practitioner of Yoga. He claims to be addicted to Yoga, practicing it every day without fail, and in fact even teaches Yoga during his spare time. Having been fortunate to travel and live all over the world, he believes in getting the best from different cultures and peoples. He claims that "Yoga is the ultimate practice for health and focus. In fact, with Yoga you can have the passion for doing every little thing in life, and you can do that joyfully."

Recently awarded the "Making Our Mark" award, given to 6 Nepali individuals with the most outstanding careers in North America, his name stands recognized amongst the Nepali Community in America as well as back home. This award was presented for the first time at the annual Association of Nepalis in the Americas ("ANA") convention recently held in Washington, D.C.

What took him to the zenith of success is a series of achievements right through his academic years. He started his early education at St. Xavier’s School, Kathmandu. In the Senior Cambridge "O" Level examinations, he established the best school record since the inception of the school. He was a gold medallist at the Punjab University in BA Honors. He was admitted by the University of Denver with full scholarship, and graduated at the top 10 percent of his class in Masters in International Studies. Finally, he received a Masters in Business Administration from the University of Chicago, whose program is ranked most often in the top 3 worldwide. Again, he received a scholarship, and graduated at the top 10 percent of class.

His career took a flying start at International Resources Group, a mid-size management-consulting firm headquartered in Washington, D.C. He quickly rose from the ranks, and was made a Partner at the age of 31, which makes him among the youngest Partners in the whole consulting industry.

After a brief stint with Fichtner in Germany, where he was the only non-German officer of the company with responsibility for Asia and the Private Power Group, he made the decision to move into industry. He joined The Coastal Corporation, a large diversified energy company, as a Vice President, responsible for project development in Southeast Asia. He quickly got promoted to manage the whole Asian Regional Business Unit at Coastal Power. With the merger between Coastal and El Paso, he assumed his present responsibilities in Houston as Senior Vice President for the Asian business unit.

Arun leads a rich life outside work as well. He has traveled throughout the world, and is very interested in trekking. He jogs regularly, and has always been sportive. He is an avid reader as well. Having felt that he has reached the top of the ladder, he has shifted his priorities to the more "inner" aspects of life. While both academia and work have been challenging, he believes that those are no comparison to the inner challenges. He is a very focused practitioner of Raja Yoga, and is actively seeking to resolve, for himself, the inner spiritual mysteries.

For his achievements, he is ever thankful to his parents, who were always confident that he would do the right thing. Looking at life a little more philosophically, he maintains that it is really not that important, in the bigger picture, what you study and what kind of career you have. What is critical, however, is to do whatever you do with focus and with passion, and to have that inner happiness in life.

Jazz in Kathmandu

Tourists have recently been blamed for a rise in the sex industry in Kathmandu and reports have shown shocking statistics on the number of local people getting harassed by the foreign visitors.

By Harry Anscombe

Despite the current state of emergency in Kathmandu a new spirit has been growing. This spirit is not religiously or politically motivated nor is it to do with drugs or crime. This spirit is music, Jazz music at that and it is proving extremely popular with foreigners and Nepalis alike. If you were to walk down the main road of Lazimpat on a Wednesday or Saturday evening at around seven, you would be able to just make out the funky yet soothing sounds of the band Cadenza flowing out from an unassuming upstairs room. This is however not just any room but actually the charming, clean yet very cool establishment known as ‘Upstairs bar’. The small wooden sign outside was hand carved by the Nepali owner who is dedicated to his jazz and he welcomes all music lovers to come and appreciate the unpretentious atmosphere.

Jazz has proved so popular in Kathmandu recently that a festival devoted to the music was held in June. Navin, the lead of the band Cadenza, co-organiser of the festival but also a teacher in a local school explained how all sorts of different people were involved. "We had people from all over the world playing from Australia to Bombay and there was a fantastic atmosphere". He added that the jazz scene in the city has been growing in popularity, not just with the tourists but locals too and that was really nice to see in a time where business is not so good.

So why is this music, of which Cadenza has headlined so popular? Pakas Frandi, the owner of the highly respected ‘Le Bistro’ restaurant in Thamel and host to a monthly live music evening believes that "it is the feeling the music has, it lets people dance and converse, eat and drink all in the same place". Furthermore, Pakas thinks that it is the attitude that comes with the music which is why it has taken off. "It is music for a person who feels happy about life and respects himself, not just for something to do".

Cadenza have released an album titled ‘Don’t Mind if we do......Again’ and includes tracks that are both funk, Jazz and even Reggae oriented. They are dedicated Nepali musicians who enjoy talking with and learning from their audience which is an admirable quality for such talented artists to have. So many bands spend too much time marketing their product than actually playing and Cadenza go against this stereotype. Navin believes "that its about the music and that’s that".

Tourists have recently been blamed for a rise in the sex industry in Kathmandu and reports have shown shocking statistics on the number of local people getting harassed by the foreign visitors. It is, however thanks to people like Cadenza who are against these boredom enhancing and clearly pathetic activities and who have encouraged those lucky enough to experience their funky sounds to the music scene.

Furthermore, I say let’s encourage those local people to enjoy this new revolution in music, not as a substitute to existing talent such as Babin Pradhan but as an extension, to broaden peoples minds. There is too much of a divide between the local population’s music interests and Nepal’s visitors. There are obviously barriers to this such as language and many overseas visitors have only passing visits. However, with such a large community of volunteers from many different overseas organizations, a diffusion of enjoyment in music is possible and Jazz seems to be a perfect area to start.

Wandering along, Past Reverie

The night is still young. He notices a meteor falling into the earth at the swiftest speed of his eyes’ blinking flashing bright line across the night. Umpteenth thoughts intrude into his mind and this event takes him back into the past memory lane.

By Ganesh Khaniya

It’s the penultimate night of March. He is on the eve of a couple of holidays. As usual, he makes up his mind to have a slumber. Consequently, he lies in his bed-lane but he keeps on tossing and turning all the while. Sleep seems as if fled from him forever. Eventually, he falls asleep but this odyssey into the dreamy world proves to be ephemeral. He comes out of that profound repose out of the pressing need of answering the poignant call of nature. Later, he fails badly to have a continual journey into the reposing world, thus finding himself into an awkwardly inconvenient situation. He feels severe headache and finds his eyes straining constantly in a terrible manner. He was utterly unable to conquer over this natural phenomenon and has nothing to do than lying erected on the bed.

He peeps through the window and finds the outer landscape blanketed by the darkness. He erects similarity between the natural darkness and the darkness inside him. The despondency and dejection that have engulfed him entirely are fiercer than the darker night. He mulls over his own situation and scolds his own fate for being deprived of even a bleak glimmer of hope.

Those were the days he was experiencing abject financial crunch. He made hell out of him to resurrect his condition but to no avail. He was limping along the dilapidated road of deprivation and want. Roaming along the alleys of city and flipping over the advertisements were his routine phenomena. Despite his relentless search, he was out of any job. For this, he used to curse his fair academic credentials in stark frustration.

Amid this pathetic situation, a belle at her mid twenties came into his life. Her arrival brought spring in his otherwise arid life. The intimacy and closeness between them grew much within a short span of time. The friendship between them started to build newer relation and they consented to redefine it in the form of eternal companionship. During those days, he had swallowed excruciating pangs of financial insecurity but was having an ethereal pleasure of being with the kindest and most supportive co-traveller.

His bad days did not last long. Her presence in his life ultimately proved to be a good omen. He got a lucrative job and felt a bit secured. She, too, started doing job. They were happily sailing forth along the gentle breeze of time. The hankering and yearning they developed were ever high and they used to be in touch in person quite often.

Seeing their exemplary closeness and company; perhaps time, too, turned jealous towards them. Thus came the sombre and catastrophic cusp of event and the incident abruptly took a U-turn. The affair no longer remained unnoticed. His parents came to know it. Theirs was a diverse union in terms of caste followed by rituals. Hence, his guardians turned lukewarm to accept and solemnise their relationship. He tried his level best to convince them in favour of him. But the lofty vanity they had exhibited before the society made them hesitant to go with his decision. Hence, the aspirations of pious hearts got trampled on.

Meanwhile, he experiences a howling gale outside. He rues over the past happenings and finds himself and his colourful schemes swept away by the dreadful gale of orthodoxy.

Parent-Child Relationship

Teenagers often want to be allowed to figure out things for themselves. Allow your teenager to learn and grow by providing guidance rather than force. Try making decisions about your teenager’s time or resources. Teenagers have demands on their time and resources too. Respect those demands and don’t make decisions about what your teenager will do without first consulting him or her.

By Dinesh Dhakal

Parenting in today’s world is not easy. As a busy single parent, you find many things competing for your time and interests. Often other demands and pressures make it difficult to learn how to develop better strategies for parenting. How can you create and maintain a trusting relationship with your teenager? How can you communicate better with your teenager? Knowing what to expect from your teenager is nearly impossible because teenagers are experiencing tremendous growth and change. But teenagers find it especially difficult when parents aren’t consistent in their expectations since the years between early childhood and adulthood can be especially difficult on self-esteem.

Communicating with your teenager can be difficult because both you and your teenager are unique. Many factors contribute to that uniqueness. First, you have a different set of biological parents from which you inherited genetic components that determined your physical appearance, intelligence, and patterns of emotional and physical development. Second, you were raised in different environments. Even children with the same parents have different experiences depending on gender, birth order, or economic circumstances. Third, you and your teenager have innate personalities that are expressed in terms of your likes and dislikes and your values and beliefs.

Just as you and your teenager differ in your heredity, environment, and personality, so you differ in your perceptions of what it means to be a good parent or what it means to communicate. How you act as a parent is influenced by your gender, age, economic circumstances, experience, and models for parenting you observed in your own parents. His or her gender, age, birth order, development, experience, and friends influence how your child acts as a teenager. Research has shown that our changing lifestyle from a rural to an urban environment has directly influenced our ability to function as parents. These changes have also affected our nation’s teenagers.

The teenage years can be divided into three distinct patterns or stages of development: the early teens (ages 12 to 14), the middle teens (ages 14 to 17), and the late teens (ages 17 to 19). Understanding typical developmental patterns helps you recognize whether your teenager’s behavior is normal.

The early teen years (ages 12 to 14) are marked by the following characteristics that distinguish them from late childhood.

Beginning to question parent’s values

Frequent moodiness

Increasing influence of friends

Identifying of faults of parents

Following of peer group

The early teen years coincide with the teenager’s entrance into junior high and the beginning of the need for more autonomy and control. Friends and peers increasingly influence early teenagers.

The middle teen years (ages 14 to 17) are marked by the following characteristics that distinguish them from the early teen years.

More involved with self

Fluctuating self-image

Interest in appearance

Gain identity from peers

The middle teen years coincide with the teenager’s desire for increased independence and responsibility. Middle teenagers are anxious to have their own car and job and to separate their own personality from those of their parents and family.

The late teen years (ages 17 to 19) are marked by the following characteristics that distinguish them from the middle teen years.

More emotionally stable
More self-reliant
Firmer identities
Desire for independence

The late teen years coincide with the teenager’s desire for acceptance as an adult and eventual departure from the home. Late teenagers often demand respect for their own unique perceptions and values.

The years between early childhood and adulthood can be especially difficult on self-esteem. Teenagers find it especially difficult when parents aren’t consistent in their expectations. Parents can increase their teenager’s self-esteem by following these simple suggestions:

Make a list of your teen’s good points or strengths. It helps to make a list of your teenager’s positive qualities and to refer to them whenever you’re tempted to dwell on the annoying things your teenager does. Whenever your teenager has a bad day, as even adults do, pull out your list to remind you of the good things your teenager does.

Keep a scrapbook. Personal and family pride plays a big part in building self-esteem. Keep a scrapbook of pictures of grandparents of relatives. Include the achievements of siblings, friends, and extended family, including stepbrothers and sisters.

Spend time together. Being together with your teenager is something money can’t buy. Be willing to spend time with your teenager doing the things he or she likes. Take pictures of you spending time together with hobbies or working together at home.

Motivate through love, not criticism. Criticism destroys self-esteem. Only apply positive labels to your teenager and admit when you’ve said something you shouldn’t have said.

Communicating with your teenager can be easier, if you do things that help good communication and eliminate the things that hinder good communication. Good communication is a two-way street. Therefore you must allow your teenager to learn from you and you, in turn, must allow yourself to learn from your teenager. Listed below are six simple steps for helping good communication between you and your teen.

Exchange understanding on how you perceive events and experiences. You and your teenager will both benefit when you exchange your viewpoints in a non-threatening climate of mutual support.

Participate jointly in determining expectations and outcomes. Teenagers who feel they have input in establishing privileges and limits will be more willing to abide by those limits.

Negotiate consequences of behavior and actions. A key element in good communication is to agree beforehand how to deal with behavior problems. Effective communication results when parents allow teenagers to decide the consequences of their irresponsibility and then parents firmly uphold those consequences.

Allow for independent decision-making. Teenagers need to be given a chance to exercise their decision-making power. Allow your teenagers to learn through natural consequences that poor decisions result in negative consequences and wise decisions result in positive ones.

Acknowledge the value of learning from struggle and failure. Many of your attempts at communicating with your teen will be unsuccessful. Acknowledging that growth can accompany an unsuccessful attempt will help you and your teenager want to try again.

Nothing creates a greater barrier to good communication between you and your teenager than to frame communication as a way-one street. Fear and intimidation are not effective motivators and create barriers to good communication. Listed below are five things that hinder good communication.

Assuming nothing will change or improve. If you assume that your attempts to communication with your teenager will always be unsuccessful, you will automatically create a barrier to good communication. Any attempt at improving communication is better than believing things can’t change.

Stepping in to interrogate, rescue, or explain. Teenagers often want to be allowed to figure things out for themselves. Allow your teenager to learn and grow by providing guidance rather than force.

Making decisions about your teenager’s time or resources. Teenagers have demands on their time and resources too. Respect those demands and don’t make decisions about what your teenager will do without first consulting him or her.

Setting unrealistic expectations and making unrealistic demands. Make sure your expectations are realistic and don’t demand the impossible. Nagging and threatening teenagers to meet your expectations only creates a barrier when your teen can’t meet your demands.

Requiring others to think as you do. Don’t try to create a "chip off the old block." Allow your teenagers to be themselves, and learn to appreciate their perspective.