End to Girl Discrimination BEGINS AT HOME

Discrimination towards a girl accelerates the moment she is born.The family displays sad and gloomy faces when the mother gives birth to a girl child. The baby girl is cursed right from her birth as she is considered a burden to parents and society. However, the birth of a boy brings happiness. Parents celebrate by distributing sweets to friends and relatives.

Suvecha Pant

Discrimination towards a girl starts long before she takes her first breath into the world. Grandparents, priests, relatives and friends bless a newly married woman that she bears her first child to be a boy instead of a girl. Even in urban areas, many parents prefer to have their first child to be a boy rather than a girl.

The main reason of the above tendency is that our society has developed in such a way that it is the boy, who carries the family name, continues the family tree, marries and brings his wife to live in his home. The man also brings with his wife a record list of dowry at his marriage. He is also the one that performs religious rites, ceremonies and perceived by society to earn the daily bread for the family. Due to such attitude in the society, it has been very difficult to eliminate the notion that giving birth to a girl is shameful.

In some places, the discrimination is so great that if a mother bears only girls she is considered unworthy. The birth of many daughters in a family brings turmoil and uncertainty sometimes ending in serious marriage problems to the couple. It even goes to such an extreme that the husband under pressure from his family marries a new wife so that she can give birth to a boy to carry on the family name.

Discrimination towards a girl accelerates the moment she is born. The family displays sad and gloomy faces when the mother gives birth to a girl child. The baby girl is cursed right from her birth as she is considered a burden to the parent and society. However, the birth of a boy brings happiness. Parents celebrate by distributing sweets, to friends and relatives. At such a tender age, a girl is viewed with such thoughts and it is no wonder that their future lives tend to be full of unfairness. The first socialisation a child gets is with the family and if the family behaves towards a child in such a way, her start into this world will be a negative one. Both sexes should be treated as equal, at an early age so that girls will develop a positive attitude towards life and realise that they are as important as boys. It is therefore necessary for parents to realise that both girls and boys are equal. They need to be treated as such.

It is especially hard to convince mothers, especially in the remote villages of Nepal, about equal rights between girls and boys. The mothers believe that a female is born into this world to serve her husband and family, and to look after her baby brothers and sisters. They believe a girl should be an obedient wife and daughter-in-law. Therefore, they think that there is no need for girls to be educated as learning household chores will be more helpful to them in the future.

However, bringing change into the minds of the people in the remote villages is not an easy task. A mother in these villages will not understand about women’s empowerment and independence. It is only with patience and by earning their trust that this mission is accomplished. As the famous saying goes ‘Rome was not built in a day’, so is changing the minds of these villagers, which is not a task that can end in a day or a month or a year.

If we really want the coming generations of these villagers to be educated and slowly improve, it has to be a process in which several volunteers from various organisations need to participate. The volunteers need to live and adapt themselves to the lifestyle of these villagers and then gradually change their attitude. "Adult Education Programme" must be started immediately to educate the parents. Programmes need to be organised by the education department, various organisations and groups in providing scholarships to girls, especially in such places where the poverty level is high. It is by educating both the girl and the parent that a foundation is laid for the future generations to follow.

According to UNFPA (United Nations Populations Fund), by performing their daily tasks of fetching water, fodder, firewood etc. and managing their family resources, girls influence the environment. Girls affect development through their economic roles in the family and society. UNFPA observes ‘Women’s access to labour market brings multiple benefits. It works to lower fertility by delaying the age of marriage. After marriage it provides women with an independent income which will, improve their power and status in the family’. This is important in view of the fact that educating a girl can weave a network in which their future as women can be much better and which in turn contributes to the development of the status of a girl child.

These educated girls through scholarships provided by the government can go back to their villages as successful women and gradually change the attitudes of the villagers. Once these girls are seen to achieve vast skills, for example, products made by girls in the village can be sold so that the locals are able to be self-sufficient and daughters in the family will generate more income than boys, then mothers will want their daughters to gain education. Although these girls will some day have to be married, the knowledge that they have gained will help in their daily lives. For example, they can be hygiene conscious about hygiene, family planning, able to help their husbands in money matters, plan the family budget better, bring additional earnings for the family, etc.

A girl has as much right to access to quality education, an ideal learning environment, achieving a goal in life, treated with respect as a boy has. When a girl enters the world, the first people she meets are her parents. Therefore, it is primarily the parent’s responsibility (with help from the family and society) in protecting and promoting the rights of a girl child.

ARE YOU also addicted to TOBACCO ?

Kamalesh Adhikari

Days passed on, months went on, and years elapsed but I could not control this habit to an end. It was about two years back, when I was preparing to go to Malaysia for an official visit, I started to feel some serious problems in my mouth. I noticed some small-reddened bubbles inside my mouth.

As a professional, I often write on development issues. However, I have a different story in this piece. The story is about a young college boy, who loses his willpower and gets addicted to tobacco. The story is about his acute sufferings due to tobacco addiction. The story is real and the boy is unfortunately no one else but myself. I have written it not as a professional but as a victim because I want to make aware those who are addicted to tobacco and are vulnerable to it."

Six years back, I remember, I was with two other friends at leisure in Raniban- a garden on the right of the college’s main entrance. It was when I was in my first year of bachelor’s degree in Mahendra Morang Aadarsh Multiple Campus in Biratnagar. It was a sultry afternoon but caricaturing of the lecturers and chatting about the gorgeous lasses did not let us feel that we were sweating a lot. In the meantime, one of my friends took a small blue-coloured packet out of his pocket. It was "Madhu (gutkha)"- a mixture of tobacco and coconut pieces. He dropped some pieces from the packet into his palm and passed it on to another friend. They both put the stuff into their mouth. I felt bad, although, it was not the first time I had seen them chewing tobacco. I can’t mistake, they were accustomed to it for one year. They also used to ask me to have it but I never took it.

As usual, even that day they asked me for the same. But I instantly refused. Nevertheless, at that time, they seemed more intent on forcing me. They incessantly insisted in different ways but I discarded every time saying "No". After they failed in their endeavours, they appeared upset. One of them furiously said, "You can never be changed". Another friend, giving an unsatisfied look to me, satirically put, "Let him do what he likes. He needs some more time to grow up to taste these sorts of bitter stuffs". I remained dumb. I noticed them giving chuckles to each other as if they wanted to say, "He isn’t suited to us since he is not grown up as we are." I became anxious. I felt I was isolated. It was not the first time they had bluntly told me such things but this time, I felt I was losing my strength of will. To say the truth, I found them more relaxed than me. They were chewing tobacco so gladly as if they had gone up to the top of Mt. Everest and were going to be awarded for that.

I tried my best to calm down my pressure but I failed. My anxiety reached its climax. I abruptly asked them, "Can I also have some?" They were puzzled. They gazed at each other’s eyes as if some miracle had occurred. I again repeated. "Can I also have some?" This time I noticed their eyes turning bright. Now they were sure that I was asking for gutkha. In no time, one of them passed a new packet to me. I ate and instantly spat it out and rushed to the canteen for water. On my return, my friends giggled at me. One of them said, "It takes some time for a baby to get adjusted to taste it and become a man." They both laughed. I had no words to reply them because I had lost my strength of will.

I got reluctantly tempted to it and within a few days, I became used to it. I thought, like others, that I would remain within limit and it would not harm me. But this did not happen. In a couple of weeks, my dose increased from one packet a day to ten to twelve. After completion of my second year, I came to Kathmandu and joined Tri Chandra College for my third year. I had a hope that after I reach the capital, I would give up tobacco. I reached the capital but I couldn’t leave it. I completed my bachelor’s degree, joined an NGO based in Kathmandu and started to concentrate on my career. My life underwent many changes during these periods but my addiction to tobacco remained with me.

Days passed on, months went on, and years elapsed but I could not control this habit to an end. It was about two years back, when I was preparing to go to Malaysia for an official visit, I started to feel some serious problems in my mouth. I noticed some small-reddened bubbles inside my mouth. I also observed some problems while opening my mouth, bringing my tongue fully out and eating hot stuffs. I also noted that my internal parts of the mouth were turning white. I got scared. For few days, I gave up tobacco and strongly decided not to take it in future.

After few more days, I flew to Malaysia. I didn’t take it during my journey. I guessed I would give up this habit but I guessed wrong. After three days of my departure from Kathmandu, I happened to consume it again. Notwithstanding these symptoms, when I saw an Indian shop near the Twin Tower, the world’s tallest building, I could not resist and bought it, even at a cost higher than I had expected. The logic was not new-after I return, I would not take it anyway. But it didn’t happen even after I returned. Instead the dose further increased- fifteen to sixteen packets a day.

About seven months back, I got fever. I went to Bir Hospital for a check up with a physician. During the check up, the doctor identified that it was minor fever and prescribed me some medicines. However, while he told me to open my mouth, he noticed something dangerous and unexpectedly asked me, "Are you used to tobacco?" I worriedly answered in a trembling voice, "Yes". He in no time suggested me to go for an oral check up and recommended me a specialist at the same hospital. I lost my nerves. My heart-beats went faster.

I went to the recommended specialist. With trembling hands, I forwarded my prescription to him. The doctor calmly asked me, "What is your problem?" I nervously briefed on my mouth problems. The doctor peered into my mouth with a torch. I anxiously looked at his face and suddenly noticed him going grave. I turned pale. The doctor, with little bit fury, said, "You are a fool though you seem quite educated. You are killing yourself." He bluntly asked, "How can you be so cruel to yourself?" I got more frightened. With a very shaky voice, I asked, "Is there anything serious?" He replied, "In your mouth there are symptoms of mouth cancer." This time, I got dizzy. Everything turned dark. For a while the whole world seemed to have stopped.

After further check up, the doctor prescribed me some medicines. He also asked me to arrange some medicines from Bangkok and said, "Your life is in your hand now." Before I left, I frighteningly asked him, "Is this unrecoverable?" This is the first stage and there is still a chance of your recovery provided you use the medicine regularly and more importantly, if you avoid tobacco, " he replied with an assurance. This relieved me to some extent. I was still frightened. The doctor asked me to come for regular check up twice a month.

On my returning home, I regretted for taking tobacco and strongly decided never to take it again. After a few days, I somehow managed to bring medicines from Bangkok and started to take. I regularly went for check up as well. More surprisingly, I completely left tobacco. Fear of death made me regain my willpower. After a couple of weeks, I recovered to some extent. Now, I am relaxed because

I have given up tobacco. However, I am still going for my regular check up. I hope things will be all right in coming days. In fact, I was lucky that I got it treated in time and left tobacco instantly after the doctor warned me. But will others be lucky as well?

I was motivated to write this piece not because I am fond of writing or I want sympathy or anything else. In fact, I want to make aware those who are addicted to it and are vulnerable to it. If you are reading me please avoid tobacco because there are indeed many things to do in your life except to prove that we are men.

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