THE SUNDAY POST ( a weekly magazine of the kathmandu post )

H E A D L I N E

R Ghimire

Although time has passed from one generation to another, there are certain events, styles, and characteristics that bond the generations together.

It is seen that generation gap is the constant struggle of the parents to prevent their kids from doing things that their own experiences and wisdom tell them is not worth. The kids on the other hand try constantly to prove to the parents that they are equipped to take control of their lives. Neither is wrong - they are both right in their own ways. The parents blinded by their love for the kids would rather have their own experiences replace the experiences of their kids. Whereas, the kids are convinced that their decisions are right and are based on current situations that the parents may not necessarily be aware of. Their most common statement is "Things are different now".

In recent years, the view of the family as a "system" has become an increasingly popular and important theoretical framework. By definition, a family system functions because it is a unit, and every family member plays a crucial role in the system.

The most common mistake parents make is that do they not treat the kids their age - its either they are too young or measure them at their own level, says a parent. She narrates an instance when her daughter was on the phone long enough to irritate her husband, while he wanted to make an urgent call. He complained that the conversation was senseless, based on the insignificant things in life and not on topics that increased creativity, like analysis of the current political scenario. The expectation of such levels of conversation from a 17-year-old is probably an unrealistic one.

It’s not that the kids do not understand their parents’ love and their concern but they just think that they are in a different era. Till such time they themselves do not become parents and get to see the world from that angle, the parents’ feelings will not be realized.

Generation gaps can be reduced to some extent by making efforts. I must mention here most efforts must come from the parents as they have wisdom. It becomes easier to adjust if the parents constantly refresh their memories by their own past outrageousness.

When we look back, we notice that our parents had to work a lot to make their parents happy. And this generally meant office for father and house work for mother. A good wife was the one who knew how to take care of the home and her children. They had to get up early and sleep late.

Things have changed a lot since then. It becomes impossible for our generation to stay at home and laze around. Both the husband and wife of our generation have to work, otherwise it becomes very difficult to sustain. The idea is to earn more and increase the spending capacity instead of spending time in the daily chores. This generation, to survive, has to do a cost-benefit analysis.

When back home we get tired. Since our parents struggled a lot at home during their days, they except the same from us, which is difficult. There rises a conflict. According to Sudha Shrestha, a journalist, when women have moved away from the traditional roles of mothers to more mature and responsible jobs, at this point this generation has to concentrate on the common goals of the family.

At this critical age a child definitely needs reassurance of his father’s good intentions and ardent love for him.

He needs to be reminded constantly of the sacrifices made by his father in bringing him up and about the time when his father buried himself under credit to buy him new things. It is also very important for the father to realize the circumstances of his son and be more rational in his approach.

It would be nicer if both the father and the son realize and understand the situation before its too late when a father wonders why he does not have a nicer relationship with his son and the son wants to convey to his father how much he loves him.

Constant guidance on the child could be very damaging for his personality, which the parents should realize. The irony is, on one hand they want their children to make it on their own and on the other all the efforts are directed towards building an empire.

The situation sometimes gets very serious. Some children under the circumstances thrive on the challenge to fulfill their dreams and their parents’ while others may become remorse under constant pressure and lose their self-esteem in their efforts to come up to the expectations. This could lead to strained relationship.

Family is an important word to human beings. Perhaps, the concept of family is what differentiates us humans from the rest of the animal kingdom.

Family is the source of strength of any individual and one of the motivating force for man to progress and achieve. But, let us face it, with a competitive, challenging and chaotic world around us, what matters more today than ever before is a strong family.

Ask those who are victims of disintegrated families and they will testify the importance of a healthy and harmonious family relationship.

Marriage and emotions

It was towards the end of the wedding when it was time for the bride to bid farewell to her family and follow her new found husband, writes Suvecha Pant

Marriage is defined in the dictionary as the legally excepted relationship between a man and a woman in which they become husband and wife. In each part of the globe, marriage varies from something simple like signing papers at court, to lavish ceremonies lasting for weeks. Cultures and traditions of people are depicted in weddings and just by attending, you get an opportunity to explore them. Whatever the way a marriage is performed, be it by a ring as in Christianity or the sindoor on the women’s forehead as in Hinduism, in the end its significance is the same.

Marriage is an important social institution. Its form and functions change according to change in culture. Hindu marriage is a religious sacrament in which a man and a woman are bound in permanent relationship for the physical, social and spiritual purpose of sexual pleasure, procreation and observance of dharma. The emotional relevance of marriage to the parents of the bride and groom is extremely strong. Along with the two couples, their parents and relatives merge into each other through the marriage, forming another big family.

Throughout Hindu mythological history various gods and goddesses have been mentioned to be tied in this sacred knot. Lord Shiva and Goddess Parvati were wed in the Himalaya amongst the audience of all Gods in the Swasthani (a holy book). The Ramayan mentions that Lord Ram and Sita got married in Janakpur. Like King Himalaya, King Janak also could not help fulfilling the ritual of giving away his daughter to Lord Ram. Again, in contrast to the sorrow of bidding farewell is the happiness of the parents to see their daughter enter into her own family life. The place is Janakpur where the marriage took place and a beautiful park has been made there, recreating the marriage scene.

To abide by the customary marriage function we do not have to go too far for it can be seen in Nepal. Once again, the marriage season has set into the lifestyle of Kathmandu. The sounds of the band playing their instruments alongside a procession of people are quite often seen in the streets. Almost everyone at this time of the year has a wedding function to attend. Travelling across the town one can see houses lit up with the wedding fever and decorated beautifully for this happy occasion. It is fun to attend wedding parties and ceremonies for you are not just able to wish the new couple a happy married life but at the same time be a part of their joy. While attending the parties in which there is a lot of merriment I have seen some of the most touching scenes.

Throughout the long preparation for the marriage alongside shopping for clothes, jewellry, furniture and various other goods the emotions are always on a rollercoaster. Parents of the bride busy themselves with various tasks avoiding the ill truth and it is just before the night of the wedding they finally realise their daughter is leaving. When that thought hits them it feels too hard to bear and like many others in the past, they can only try to console themselves. Although from the day a girl is born her parents know she is to leave them one day to follow her husband, it is at this moment that the full impact stings them.

According to Hinduism, a man is indebted to his father-in-law when he marries. This is because when a man and woman get married the father of the bride must give the daughters hand in marriage to the groom. To be able to get rid of the debt the man needs to give birth to a girl. It is only when he as a father performs the same ritual as his father-in-law had that the debt is paid and a heavy weight is carried off from his soul. Therefore, in a marriage when the father gives his daughter’s hand to his son-in-law, Kanyadan (Kanya meaning girl and dan meaning giving away), it is considered to be the most important ritual of the whole ceremony.

However this aside it was one particular wedding where I was able to witness the most emotional scene that can be possibly imagined. It was towards the end of the wedding when it was time for the bride to bid farewell to her family and follow her new found husband. Although the rituals to which these two had been proclaimed as one was over in her heart the new bride still had not realised the full trauma of leaving her house until this moment. As her parents gave her hand to the groom, she at first followed him. After a few steps, the bride broke away from her husbands’ arms and ran to her mother who tried to hide the tears that welled up in her eyes and placing a stone on her heart with one hand she hid her eyes and with the other, she waved the girl back to her husband.

The young man so taken aback with this moment looked at the bride’s mother, with a simple nod held out his arms, and called her: her movements however showed that she did not know what to do. Here she was at the boundary of her life. Just beside her mother was the single man who had ruled her life: her father. He stood there and a single tear fell from his eyes to the ground. Could she be able to forget all that to follow the man she loved? Maybe: but do not be in such a hurry said her hands: just wait a little and let me gaze a little longer at these dear parents of mine who, until I met you, were all I had to live for.

As she looked that side of the boundary, she saw the place where she had spent all her life until now and she did not want to leave. Slowly the other side came into focus. There was her future and he was calling out to her. His gestures showed that life required that she too should be a wife and a mother. And all this went on amidst the sound of the people around them and the band playing in the background. Finally having kissed her parents, she ran a few steps and without looking back followed her husband into the beautifully decorated car. He hurried her off and as the car drove off, she had known from the time she was born, the gesture he gave was of sweet promises of the future. This whole scene was so captivating that I just stood there for moments simply spellbound.

While all this happened, a play came into my mind. Sakuntala, a famous play written by Kalidas in Sanskrit and later translated by the great poet Laxmi Prasad Devkota in Nepali.

It perfectly demonstrates these emotions. One has to read this piece to be taken by the full intensity of the last point in the marriage, the farewell. Sometimes one fails to understand such points in life but like a rose and its thorns one must take life with its happiness and sorrows.

Unwinding at the Red Onion

If you want to feel the Saturday night’s fever, you should go to this bar. Prithvi Rajmarg is the highway that links Kathmandu to many places of Nepal, and Mugling is where people mostly feel like having a break during their journey. This bar can offer the same comfort to the tired businessmen as Mugling does to the travelers.

By Sanchita

Going to bars in our society hasn’t still been accepted much. They think that bar is a place where only bad things happen. But having a relaxing drink at a cosy bar is not something most of us know of. One such bar in the valley is the Red Onion Bar in Lazimpat. Well stocked for all guest with beverage requirements is a mission to make drinking experience not only pleasurable but unlike any others, says Romesh Das Shrestha. Shrestha is gearing to change the drinking habits of Kathmanduties.

From the contemporary cuisine to extraordinary d�cor and exceptional service, you will find that it has wonderfully something different to offer. Old world skills and fine craftsmanship with a total commitment to excellence combined with the latest high-tech equipment gives customers the superior quality they’re looking for, says Rajkumar DC, manager of the Bar.

The room of the bar is large with a high, peaked ceiling that gives it an open-air feel.

Tiled mosaics border the wood-paneled room and a large artistic scene from the seats is the centerpiece of the winding bar. That’s the style, says Rajkumar. This bar offers nearly 200 different cocktails. Refreshments range from thick juice to the most exotic cocktails - some well known and others only to for taste. This bar is open from 3 in the afternoon to about 2 in the morning.

The Red Onion Bar is committed to delivering guests with the tastiest snacks and richest cocktails at a great value. We use only the freshest and best quality ingredients, says DC. "From our specially made momos to slow roasted chicken wings, our freshly made drinks, along with our friendly staff, one will be back"

Dinner for the night is provided based on customer. The bar is pleased to accommodate special guest dining requirements.

Live musical entertainment is also provided on Wednesdays and Saturdays by selection of the clients during evening cocktails hours.

The Cocktail bar is opened with counter bar and table, outside seating and a neighborhood bar atmosphere. The bar also has cable TV and good music. Together with discounted food and drinks for the card holders it makes it an excellent addition.

This lovely little bar offers some of the finest cocktails with the owner rightly proud of their home cooking.

It also has an outside seating and tastefully furnished surroundings which makes it a great place to eat and watch the world go by.

Established two and a half years ago, the bar has something more than just one of the best cocktail menus in town. It is a place where you can come and relax and enjoy yourself and meet some new people, have nice snacks and a drink and talk to the staff and all the friends. If you are looking for a place to unwind after a hectic week, Red Onion Bar is the right place for you.

LET'S GIVE IT A SHOT

For some, these occasional drinks and smoking do not pose any threat; but for others, they lead to serious problems, and eventually to alcoholism and smoke addiction, and deadly disease that ruins lives and causes undue suffering, writes Vinod Adhikary

Smoking and drinking are serious problems affecting millions of people in Nepal, and also the whole world. There are of course, many people from different occupation, who come home and relax with a drink or two or a smoke pipe in their hands. For some, these occasional drinks and smoking do not pose any threat; but for others, they lead to serious problems, and eventually to alcoholism and smoke addiction, and deadly disease that ruins lives and causes undue suffering. No group seems to be more negatively influenced by drinking or smoking than teenagers. They often use and abuse alcohol for all of the wrong reasons. They are the ones that are seen abusing smoke the most.

First, there’s the universal understanding that teenagers rebel against anything. Some teens who drink do it to get back at their families, or possibly their friends. It is a way for them to say "in your face’ to a particular group or individual. It seems as though many teens will start doing the first thing they are told not to do; and if they are asked to do something constructive, well... slim chance, unless they will directly benefit. It’s their ego that leads them towards this feeling that they are all alone by themselves in this world, and have got no responsibilities towards their family or just relatives. Every single step they take, they look for personal benefits and right at the moment saying, "future is unseen, so let's not bother for it, we got time to get there".

Contrary to the first cause, in which teens rebel, the second has to do with going along with the crowd. Drinking for teens may be their ticket to acceptance. They need to feel part of the group, and if the only way to achieve that is to have a drink and a "cancer pipe" (sure what they call it), then so be it. Peer pressure can be an incredibly powerful factor in teen drinking. I’ve seen some guys who put pressure onto others towards their path by bragging, about it. Smokin’ is cool! Drinking is advanced! Girls like people like us. By the by they even blame those good ones who are onto their own, on their own way by saying you are dumb and lousy. "We hate people like you girls hate people like you, so get away from us". I personally know someone who drinks thinking that the crowd will accept him. Members of this group do not talk to him much during the week, except to discuss plans for the weekend, and generally shun him if he isn’t drinking, or is not able to inhale one or a couple of smoke. This person wants to belong, and he feels adapting with smoking and drinking is the only way to do that.

Another reason for teen drinking is that teens like the feeling, the "buzzing", and they say they have more fun when they drink. They might get buzzed the first couple of times they drink, but do they see those dosage used earlier is going to help them get buzzed? No so let’s add more onto it, and slowly they step into so called addiction. While drinking, otherwise-shy people can say and do things that they would not normally do. I admit it sure might provide this "buzz feeling", but after that? Drinking is a force that, for some people, breaks down personality barriers allowing them to do things they would ordinarily consider unthinkable.

The main reason for teen drinking, however, and the one most likely to lead to serious problems, is escapism. Alcohol can provide an escape from family, friends, personal relationships, anything upsetting. One of my friends I recall is a good case in point. He gets in a fight with his parents, and he heads straight for the bottle or a smoke. He comes home from work or college tired and frustrated, and he goes to the bottle. Recently things had not been too stable with his girlfriend, who was complaining about his smoking and drinking. His mind was in a total state of confusion, and he was tired of thinking about it, so out came the bottle. It would not be so bad if his was an isolated case, but too many teens would rather watch the ceiling spin than think about their problems.

Drinking is an all-too-common factor or influence in the lives of many people. The first three reasons discussed here would seldom lead to a serious drinking problem. Teens generally grow out of their rebellious stage, and they usually feel less influenced by others as time passes. The "buzzing" feeling gets old, too and loses its glamour for most individuals. The one reason that remains a constant threat is drinking to escape from problems. The first drink that a person takes to escape reality is the drink that may eventually shut the door on the person’s life. A life seen through the bottom of a bottle is a life headed for trouble.