-In lighter vein-
French Premier Lionel Jospin interviews his Nepali counterpart in Paris

Place: Paris, France, office of the French Prime Minister, Lionel Jospin

Agenda: Official talks

Nepal's Prime Minister has already entered the room where he is greeted by his French counterpart. Nepal's Prime Minister thanks Premier Jospin for extending this "'rare" invitation. Jospin says "mention not".

French PM: I greet you Mr. Prime minister in Paris. I am happy to note that you have come from country of Everest. By the way can you tell me the temperature there at the moment?

Nepali PM: Oh! It should be some where minus forty degrees. But why you are interested in this?

French PM: Well, it is very simple. Everest has minus forty and Kathmandu, I'm told, has plus forty degrees Celsius. Is that correct?

Nepali PM: No it should be below thirty at the moment. Oh! Yes, the rest ten degrees plus has been the creation of the opposition.

French PM: What you mean by the creation of the opposition? Can the opposition interfere into the celestial matters?

Nepali PM: You do not know about Nepal. It's a mysterious country. The opposition led by Madhav Nepal in collaboration with the former Panchas has created havoc against my regime and me.

French PM: But how come?

Nepal PM: The wet lease of Lauda has been the root cause for this stir.

French PM: But who is this Lauda? Sounds interesting.

Nepali PM: It is not a person rather an Austrian airliner which we have purchased for our Royal Nepal.

French PM: Oh! Royal Nepal! It is your airliner that is always scandal ridden and is also considered to be a KHAO airliner in the world. Some French people call it "delay" and "flight cancel" airliner as well.

Nepali PM: Exactly. Your guess is correct one. I'm surprised who told you these details. Any way, I'm ready for another question.

French PM: Thanks our foreign ministry officials browse nepalnews website and get these details. Nothing to panic. We work hard and that is why we are a developed nation. Got the point.

Nepal PM: Well! The Nepali press has misused the freedom granted to it. They talk and write some times utter nonsense. I take their reporting very lightly. I will have to think of censorship. Some media men apparently have joined the ranks of the opposition and demanding my resignation unconstitutionally. The hands of some notorious agencies can't be ruled out Mr. Premier.

French PM: According to the report made available to me, your police kill innocent Nepalese under the pretext of the Maoists. Your administration nabs a person who is freed by the court. You procure Lauda rejecting the directives of the PAC. Your cabinet approves it despite the public rumblings. How you could call the act of the opposition demanding your resignation as unconstitutional one? When you can act that way, why can't they. I mean the opposition.

Nepali PM: Should I conclude that you too prefer to side with my opposition?

French PM: Surely not. I have not seen Madhav. Yet what I know about Madhav is that he possesses a Hitlerite moustache. That's all. I don't know much about S.B.Thapa. Yet I know that he is a great political manipulator. However, Gajju babu is with you. I'm told that he always sides with those who were in power. I must see him some time next year. Be that as it may, the constitutional process must prevail for your ouster.

Nepali PM: I thank you very much for your kind words. If it is not otherwise then I politely request you to put this line in the joint communiqué so that the opposition come to their senses in Nepal.

French PM: I'll look into that. But tell me who is this charming lady accompanying you Mr. Prime Minister?

Nepali PM: Intelligent question! She is my daughter Sujata who is married to a German national . But when she concluded that I would run Nepal as the PM, she preferred to migrate here for good. Since then she has been supporting me to the extent that people say that she is running half of Nepal. The rest my relatives do on my behalf. For example, Sushil is running the party, Nona bhauju is taking care of Baluatar palace', Mahesh is looking after defence; Chakra is taking care of foreign affairs. Prakash has recently been inducted in the cabinet. The list could go long and it might irritate you if I produce the list of my family men that were supporting me much to the discomfiture of the Nepalese people and the international community. In effect, I believe in family-democracy. It is a new experiment that I have initiated in Nepal. You are free to copy this superb model-a Koirala model in effect.

French PM: Oh! No! it is simply horrifying news for me. We reject such tradition. The people here dislike such family-cracy models. I salute the patience of the Nepali people who have been forced to witness this shocking and appalling realities. However, tell me who are Prachanda and Dr. Babu Bhattarai?

Nepali PM: Oh! Those two 'radical' communists are the real villains. Their uninterrupted violence has caused me sleepless nights. I hate them. People love them. I see their actions as terrorist in nature demanding use of force. People in the opposition press me to go in for dialogues with them. Thanks that Prachanda has enunciated "Prachanda-path" or otherwise the Prachanda way. It is very much similar to my Koirala path that is Koirala way. That way we both have come closer. One more similarity in between Prachanda and me is that we both prefer use of violence to crush each other. Talking of Bhattarai, his full name is Babu Ram Bhattarai and is not the relative of our Kishun jee. I am told that Dr. Bhattarai is in minority in the Maoists camp. Any way, upon my return, I have planned to crush them come what may. I will care little about the regard for rule of law, human rights and bla bla bla! For this to happen albeit my chair should remain free from any threat which is unlikely this time.

French PM: So that's it. Your plans appear dangerous. Well, we never interfere in other country's affairs. Now tell me about the conduct of your foreign policy?

Nepal PM: Brilliant question. You possess a sharp brain. Well our foreign policy is very flexible. We donot have any hard and fast foreign policy. It is made flexible to satisfy our friends. For example, when I visit India, I become more Indian than the Indians. Likewise, to please the Chinese, I give them the impression that I am more Chinese than Premier Rongzhi. This I do when they invite me officially. This way we have been conducting our "independent" foreign policy. We fit into the scheme of things of the country where we are visiting. Upon my return, I will be more French than any French men in Paris. Various countries of the globe have appreciated this policy.

French PM: Oh Jesus Christ! Very interesting "independent" foreign policy indeed. But very difficult to understand. But tell me how the Indian and the Chinese react to your "independent-flexible" foreign policy?

Nepal PM: India has single concern in Nepal. They tell us that Nepal has become a haven for the ISI men. We assure them by saying that we will not allow any activity to happen in our soil against India. I have not seen ISI men in Kathmandu. But they insist. Even last year they branded brother Sushil to be closer to ISI. Later I convinced Bajpayee to spare him. Some say that RAW men too were very active in my country. We believe in reciprocity and equal treatment meted out to our friends in the ISI and RAW. If their numbers are equal that keeps us safe. When they clash in Kathmandu, we simply enjoy it.

French PM: Well I'm told that SAARC process is still in a limbo? Is it correct?

Nepal PM: Yes. It is as what you have said. However, it is becoming apparent that finally India has yielded. This May will witness the meeting of the Foreign Secretaries' of the SAARC seven. Mussaraf will finally shake hands with Bajpayee by the end of this year. However, one thing is certain. India and Pakistan have become a heavy burden for the SAARC process. Equally true is the fact that without their presence in the process, the SAARC will look like an empty earthen vessel. That's all about SAARC Mr. Premier.

French PM: Thank you very much. You have enlightened me about your country and nitty-gritty's of Nepali politics. I learnt about your family-cracy as well.

What I have concluded from what you have said is that you wish to see your family rule in Nepal. You also wish to boost the political image of your daughter who in effect is a citizen of the EU. Thirdly, what I could sense that you care little for the rule of law, preservation of human rights and have failed in providing good governance. I read the text of Ambassador Frank's in which he had suggested so many good things for your country. Similarly, the Finnish charge de' affaires has recently told that his country might pull out its presence from Nepal if the violence continues for long.

Stop killing the civilians in the name of the Maoists. Discipline your police force. Perform. Provide security to the public. Stop relying on your family men and close relatives. Continue with non aligned policy to what you had once upon a time. Abandon the flexible foreign policy. It might put you in trouble sooner or later. Listen to the suggestions of the donors. Respect the nation's intellectuals and seek their advice on matters that have a direct bearing on your nation's interests. The Western region must be developed. The Maoists must be brought in the national mainstream. Tell them to come to the negotiating table.

Listen to the voices of the media. Honor those media men also who do not obey your dictates.

If you take my words seriously and act accordingly upon return, we will support you unconditionally and be a partner in your progress.

Finally, it was not a time to come to France for a visit. Mind it, when there is trouble in the home front, no leader should leave the country. You should have faced the onslaught of the opposition being right in your home country.

Take it easy Mr. Premier.

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