The first ever historic congregation of 'birds of same feather'….

This write-up has nothing to do with the actual happening or whatsoever. It has just been presumed by this scribe as to have happened or could happen in countries like ours.

It has rightly been said that birds of same feather flock together. As a guiding principle to this old dictum, I have collected some actors of today's Nepal whose collective efforts have brought the county to this precipice. Actors present in this short episode have contributed in giving the present bad shape to this country's image in their own manner and fashion.

It so happened that one particular "personality" in Kathmandu invites some of his "close like-minded friends" for a banquet. The hall is almost occupied by the "dignitaries". Sensing that not all of the "guests" present on the occasion, recongnize each othe, the "host" requests his "friends" to introduce themselves in order to make the party lively and kicking.

Let us see how the "guests" introduce themselves.

Mr. A: Well friends! I'm a bureaucrat occupying high position in the government machinery. My contribution to this country has been that I secured this post some two decades back by submitting "fake educational certificates". The fact is that so many of my friends in the ministry too possess such certificates.

The host says next please!

Mr. B: Well I'm a businessman indeed. Though I don't have any factory or whatsoever, however, the fact is that my business is all in paper. My business is export and import. Only the movement of papers could be marked in my business. This saves money. In the process, my business links were upto the World Trade Center but alas! Some fanatics exploded the giant structure on September 11. This way I'm serving the nation.

Mr. C: Well dear friends, I served as Nepal's Ambassador to Moon island. During my tenure there, I could pocket colossal amount of money for the construction of a posh house in Kathmandu by selling the duty-free Scotch Whisky to a five star hotel on a regular basis. However, to make the papers correct and OK, I managed fake parties thrown in honor of the journalists and politicians of the Moon Island. In essence this did not happen. My experience could be copied by others who cherish to become Ambassadors in the future. So my contribution could be modest one indeed.

Next please says the host.

Mr. D: Well honored friends! I'm basically a police officer. Thanks one corrupt politician who elevated me to this rank in lieu of a murder case in which he was involved. Later when the politician came to power, he kept his promise. I'm happy that he is present in this "august" gathering.

Mr. E: I'm basically a politician. Since I could not read and write in my student days, I opted to join politics.   I had a dull brain then. That time I heard that the then Singaporean President Lee Kuan Yu too once said that to become a politician one need not be educated or whatsoever. In fact the previous speaker is correct when he says that I was involved in a murder case. Thanks almighty that he saved me. It is altogether a different matter that I myself sorted out a case of a rape of a minor from the DALIT community. However, I still continue to be respected by my voters. Sounds funny indeed!

Mr. F: I was not a born dacoit. However, I am a dacoit not by face but by my deeds. I, in effect, side with the politicians at times of the elections. I normally loot the properties of the nearest rival of my choice of my candidate to the extent that he can't pay the election bills later. I must tell you that I side with those who offer me the huge amount. Any way, I find such politicians. Election time is my best time.

Mr. G: Pick-pocketing is my real business and this I do with proper and needed finesse. Not many people in this hall know that their pockets have already been emptied. To tell you frankly, I have created a band of pickpockets who submit their money at the end of the day every evening. My boys try their expertise on Nepali lawmakers who enjoy perks even when they boycott the house proceedings and use the motor vehicles of the government which they should not.

Mr. H: I am an Army officer posted in some of the wildlife conservation project. Since we the armymen do not have much to do there so we generally kill those animals which we are not supposed to kill. Some times we supply it to our senior officers here in Kathmandu which takes care of all of our blunders. This way I am serving the nation.

Mr.I: AS I possessed a dull mind during my student days, hence I decided to become a travel guide. In the process I have cheated countless of foreign tourists. Some times we force the tourists to offer us good-handsome tips or else we manage their luggage and wallet to vanish. The tourists whom I have accompanied in the past have left Nepal stating that they will tell their friends not to visit this country. However, this has not posed any problem to my business in any way.

Mr. J: I am the mayor of a town in Nepal. I have made it a business. I usually seduce foreign Ambassadors to initiate talks with the government so that a sort of sister-city relation is established with their towns. In the process, I visit that country together with some of my personal friends. Some vanish there. At time of the ceremony, I get hefty gifts that take care of my drawing room. My wife is very much fond of collecting such gifts. How naughty she is! My weakness is that I can't say no to her! Perhaps this is a common problem.

Mr. K: I'm a minister. Till ten years back I had to search a friend who could buy a stick of cigarette for me and pay for a cup of tea. Gone are the days! Thanks this system, I'm at the moment considered to be one among the very few rich men in Nepal. Any way I miss one friend who during my terrible days paid for stitching my torn-out rubber sleeper.

Mr. L: With the support of the party I serve, I became a lawmaker. I utilize this post for my personal benefits. Last session, I pocketed hefty amount from the parliament even if I did not attend the session. I have now a Prado and we are introducing a new bill in the parliament which if passed will allow us a Helicopter free from the state exchequer. In fact we need one flying machine because we have so many issues to deal with. This will ease our problem and will increase our mobility as well.

Mr. M: I am a student leader. However, I do not attend the school or for that matter the college. My party has ordered me to influence the incoming innocent students in the party's favor. I have also been told to collect students at times of a rally or demonstration organized by my party. This way I have managed politics to enter the education sector. This is no less an achievement indeed!

Mr. N: I am a teacher. I do not teach. At time of the class, I usually meet leaders of the party of my interest. They have told me that I will be made chief of the institution I serve at the moment when my party comes to power. Most probably, our party will come to power because maneuverings to destabilize the ruling party has already begun!

Mr. O: I am a HR activist. But my inclination is for a particular party and hence when my party men get hurt, I cry and issue statements. When others are hit, I care little for HR violation. I can't help this.

Mr. P: At the moment I'm associated with an NGO/INGO. My intention is to seduce the foreign donors and collect dollars. For instance we have at the moment a number of NGOs that deal with the orphans and Kamaiyas and the girls brought back from the Mumbai brothels. I am not sure about what support we extended to these, however, what is for sure is that I have managed every thing for my relatives and myself. Most of the NGOs I have all comprise my family men. My son even tried to rape a AIDS infected girl while she was sleeping in the ''girl-care center" of our NGO. Thanks that the girl shouted and my boy left the room. No body knew about it. The foreigners are really innocent. They have only dollars! Ha! Ha! Ha!

Mr. Q: My post is PA to the minister. I accomplish all the jobs for the minister because the minister has no time in looking at people's problems. In the process, I talk to the businessmen and "fix" the amounts for the job of the said businessmen. Our minister was very poor but now he is one who could not be dismissed on wealth grounds. Other jobs given to me by the minister is to take care of the kids of the minister who need the "official cars" for picnic or even going and coming from the school. Needless to say, the minister's wife is a miser one who reduces my "commission" from the "legal" money, which I collect from the business sector. I've already been told by Mrs. Minister to collect money for DASHAIN.

Mr. R: I'm a film director. Providing direction in Nepali films are very easy. What I do is watch four Indian films and insert few minutes of each film into the new Nepali film. Innocent Nepali film goers get confused in the process and the newspapers ( I pay some times) give my direction top ratings. At times damsels in teens approach me for acting in the films. I put harsh conditions but they normally agree and look thatis why I'm yet unmarried. Why to keep this "burden" when…..

Mr. S: I work in the government media. I adjust into any system. I exhibited my skill in the past when several government(s) in Nepal were formed and collapsed. In effect, when a government gets changed, the next morning I sneak into the communication minister's house and salute him in an almost parallel to the ground manner. The minister himself makes me to stand in a civilized manner. The rest you can imagine.

Mr. T: I'm the brother in law of a minister. You all know the gravity of this post. People meet me first and then the minister. The civil society members now invite me to chair the function instead of the minister. I'm respected even by the drivers and General Managers of some corporations. The rest I wouldn't tell you. Just imagine guys!

Ms. U: I'm the unofficial private secretary of a minister. The fact is that the minister can't deny my requests for obvious reasons. I do not know how some people knew this fact and started pouring in to my place. In lieu of some hefty amounts, I manage their jobs done. But I regret that the minister's wife suspects my sacred "credentials".

Mr. V: I am basically a littérateur. I command respect in the society. My literatures are very difficult to understand. In effect I copy a sizeable portions of poems or for that matter stories penned by noted Nepali scholars. Then I mix it all. The resultant poem or the story comes out in a peculiar manner and hence the listeners more or less are forced to clap. What else they can do poor creatures! This way I'm serving the Nepali literature.

Mr. W: I happen to be a very corrupt engineer. I eat up the money sent for repairing the roads. Indeed, the money goes up to several of by bosses in Kathmandu. The looted amount will be distributed this Dashain as usual. The nation must salute me and my colleagues who have remained instrumental in bringing down to size the ever swelling Nepali population. Had we been all sincere to our jobs and spent the money in repair works, there would have been no "fatal" accidents and hence the population would have gone up and up. Some times being insincere also becomes rewarding. Cutting it short, this way I am serving the nation and its demographic cause.

Mr. X: I just wish to remain anonymous. However, the people could sense my presence in the country as and when there is a political crisis. My job is to create troubles and political upheavals. I can work for any system or for any government. He who pays me good amount, I work for him or his party. Only recently some quarters have sought my clandestine support for "destabilizing" the Deuba set up. The price is being negotiated. I could well be approached by the Deuba side too provided they wish. In that case I will create "panic" in the opposite camp. And that is why I always use a "mask".

Mr. Y: I run a disco in Kathmandu. It has some special "dark rooms called cabins". My business was flourishing but these Maoists insurgents practically created a sort of panic in the business. They have told us not to employ girls in teens and thus my business has gone down…. However, I have devised some other methods to continue with the same job. The Maoists can't suspect now my motives.

Mr. Z: Well I'm the host of today's banquet. Perhaps you all know me because we all have shared moments of pleasure and sorrow together in the past in the jails and even in five star hotels. You might have watched how I react when some of my colleagues are arrested by the police or is sent to the prison. We are birds of same feather and must flock together. It is time that we too engaged in these various "notorious" businesses form a society which will later "protect" us from the government's wrath. I propose the name of the would be society as " Help Save Nepal From Crises, Kathmandu".

The attending participants then vow to work for this society-soul and heart. We are told that this society now houses practically all the "birds" from other parts of the country and some special similar guest "birds" from the region too have been invited to join.

For the time being the chairman of this Social "Society" has gone into the hands of Mr. E and the vice chairmanship to Mr. F and Mr. G.

The banquet is over. Participants leave for their residences. However, some steel spoons and forks were found missing.

Investigations are going on to trace the thief of thieves who could have pocketed those silver items.

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