Return visit of Timbuktu's PM to Nepal

As a diplomatic courtesy and a generally accepted rule, Nepal's Prime Minister in turn invited his counterpart of the wonderful Timbuktu Island nation to Nepal. It was agreed that the dates would be finalized through the usual diplomatic channel. In the process, Nepal's foreign ministry officials ''secured" dollar earning shuttle trip to and fro to Timbuktu and Kathmandu. The person who enjoyed the most from the trip, we are told, was a person who had little knowledge about diplomacy. This is not unusual in Nepal.

Finally, after several shuttle trips to Timbuktu, our man at the foreign ministry finalized the date of the arrival of Timbuktu's Prime Minister. The dates were simultaneously announced from the two capitals. The date was September 11.

On the agreed and finalized date, Timbuktu's Premier landed in Kathmandu. The aircraft, which carried the VVIP, resembled more of a UFO--unidentified flying object-- than a real Boeing-727. Nepal's Prime Minister greeted his counterpart. But he was seen more attracted towards the UFO-like object than welcoming his counterpart. During the garlanding ceremony, Nepal's prime minister whispered in the ears of his counterpart. But what he whispered is not yet known to foreign ministry officials. The Nepali people demand transparency.

In the evening, Nepal's prime minister threw a banquet in honor of the Timbuktu dignitary. After the welcome speech of the Nepal's prime minister, it was the turn of the visiting prime minister to address the gathering which was participated in by the members of the both "dissolved" houses of the Nepali parliament.

The speech of the Timbuktu's prime minister ran like this:

Mr. Prime Minister, excellencies, members of the "unemployed" dissolved houses of the parliament, ladies and gentleman!

It is a rare honor to me that I am here. I had heard about the country and its people long back when I was myself a kid. Our geography teacher, who happened to be a citizen of your southern neighbor, misguided us and had injected in our brains that Mount Everest and Lumbini fell in their territories. However, our history teacher who was from China said that the Everest fell on either sides. Any way, I wish to climb the Everest but for time constraint, I will not do so this time. Nevertheless, I am sure that soon I will get this opportunity because immediately upon my return to my own country, I will have to face a no-confidence motion. In fact, I told the nation that I was going to Johannesburg but landed here much the same way your own Premier instead of going to South Africa landed in Brussels. We both have committed a crime in the eyes of the people.

Mr. Chairman! In effect, I have come to Nepal to learn from you all. I'm told that you all in your own rights were giant political personalities. During my few days in Nepal, I wish to meet Kerala, Bhattari, Naple, Go-Tam, Bad-Ri moondale; Duba, Digbijaya Dar, Home Badur Gadga , Chinjibi Waggl, and Mobind Jar Hoshi and a host of other equally corrupt luminaries who have remained instrumental in giving a very "'bad" shape and "name" to your own democratic system. I am told that these "illustrious" Nepali leaders have made the Nepali citizens bankrupt during these 12 years. My assistant had said me that most of these leaders were like orphans till 1990. I can't believe this surprising transformation. I am also told that these leaders amass wealth through their sons and daughters who on their behalf extort money from the businessmen and traders.

I wish to learn from them so that I too can use the same marvellous techniques upon my return.

Mr. Chairman! My country wishes to initiate airlinks with your country. I wish the LAUDA Air to operate flights between Kathmandu and Timbuktu island. I wish that Mr. Kerala offers his good offices in this regard so that the flights begin operating from next week. I wish that Your honorable Speaker(s) board the maiden flights as I can guess that both of them possess no jobs and hence could spare time for this inaugural flight to my land. Moreover, I am told that they are ever ready for a tour abroad.

Mr. Chairman, in the process of learning, I will wish to see in person those 22 now in CIAA custody who squeezed the nation to the tune of six billions. I am told that the CIAA is all set to attack others seated in the higher political echelons. In my opinion, the process of humiliating the leaders the CIAA way is very dangerous. If done so, the country will have finally no leaders to steer the country. People will become terrified to join politics. And thus democracy might suffer eventually. Somebody also informed me that these days the sell of towel has boomed in Nepal as it is increasingly becoming popular among the corrupts. When I essayed to find out the cause of the unusual fantasy, I discovered that they use it to cover their faces from the blazing cameras of the inquisitive press! In this case, I wish to send some extraordinary brands of towels that are used by the VVIPs in our country. These will be kept intact for the Nepalese political leaders lest the CIAA trap them too! After all they can't use the ordinary towels to cover up their faces from the clicks of the flashing cameras!

But who is this man everybody is talking about throughout the world – Upadhyaya? I wish to pay my respect to him. I guess he should be a dashing person with extraordinary physique! But my intelligence report says that premier Kerala had constituted a probe committee to probe against this dashing personality when he was the secretary at Nepal's silver dollar ministry. I am afraid my good friend Kerala too may be caught in his net! My advisors advise me that I better be careful as I meet this Upadhyaya since he is a real tough man and what if he extends his jurisdiction stretching from Nepal to my country. You please advise me whether I should meet him or simply ignore.

Mr. Chairman, I am also equally impatient to meet what yet another Upadhyaya calls them as Nepal's paper tigers seated at the planning commission. Because I wish to take a lot of expertise from these paper tigers. If I am not misguided then I have heard that it is a matter of a no time for them to bring out glossy brochures and workpapers. They are expert to devise plans for people whom they have never seen or have known about! Now is not this a stupendous achievement! My fellow countrymen would be anxious to amass such a sophisticated learning!]

And what's wrong with these guys called the Maoists? They seem to have drunk some crazy intoxication that has driven them out of their brains. Them call themselves fighting for the people and destroy everything the people use! It's like those punk guys in my own country who end up doing all the hip-hop things! Editor Upadhyaya showed me Prachanda's last Saturday's statement in which he demands a seat in the interim arrangement while conducting the elections. What's wrong with that. Duba can elevate their ranks picking up them from the jungles. If peace is restored and guaranteed, forget the constitutional provisions. Has the constitution said anywhere to squeeze the country through corrupt means but your leaders have done that? But any way, time permitting, I wish to see Prachanda, Bhattarai and Badal-the main brains of the movement.

Mr. Chairman! Finally I wish to see the personality who, I am told, has a habit of jumping walls during midnight and under the drunken spell misbehaves with the other gender.

Last but not the least, Mr. Acting Chairman! I am also told that your son is currently in the news. Some body also told me that you Mr. Acting Prime Minister used to sell green peppers when you joined congress politics. All of a sudden you grew rich. Nepali media have attacking you and your son. Your son is a rotten egg, I am told, but has a bank balance of unimaginable amount. By selling peppers in Gurkha district, how could you and your son accumulate this huge amount? You are gone sir!

To conclude, I might have exceeded my diplomatic functions. This I could guess from the faces of the participants. But what I spoke, I spoke. I wish to see your de jure PM Duba in Bangkok where he is at the moment now. After few days in Bangkok, I will fly back to my country. Namaste to you all. By the way, Nepali people, mostly the girls and ladies, are really pretty attractive. I wish to invite some through some of Nepal's fake employment agency.

I thank you very much.

(Next day: Foreign ministry issued a statement that said that since the dignitary from the Island exceeded diplomatic limits and hence Nepal decided to severe its diplomatic ties with that country.)

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