With malice to none
Mock parliament’s mock resolutions

Understandably and very logically too, the mock parliament that was convened on Sunday, was presided over by mock president, the real president of the real Nepali congress, Shri Girija Prasad Koirala popularly known as Girija Daju or Babu.

Since it was a mock parliament, naturally those attending the session were all mock parliamentarians which in effect they were. It was only but natural that the mock parliament attended by mock parliamentarians must have come with some substantial mock proposals.

The mock proposals that came out as a result of the freshly concluded mock session of the mock parliament and was made public to the Nepali and the international press on Monday is as follows:

# The mock parliament decides that all the prominent leaders of South Asia in particular and the world in general who have been forced to go on "exile" on corruption charges be invited in Nepal every year and listen to their plight so that Nepali leaders could understand the methods and the procedures of corrupt practices.

# The mock parliament thus decides to invite Benazir Bhutto and Nawaz Sharief, and if possible Josheph Estrada with their consorts in Kathmandu and honor them all with the key of Kathmandu city. If need be, the Pakistan government could be requested to free Miyan Ashif Zardari, (popularly known as Mr. Ten Percent) the husband of Ms. Benazir Bhutto , for a few days until the celebrations in Kathmandu were over.

# The mock parliament also decided to request the Chief of the Executives of the South Asian governments to bring into operation the Lauda Air compulsorily whose GSA should be awarded to the one who is close to Nepal’s Nepali congress. It was also suggested that the governments of the region must exhibit their sympathies with the China South West Airlines much the same way the UML did when one of its leaders were in government.

# The mock parliament sensing the low turn out at their ongoing agitation decided unanimously to convince the "Pick Picketers Union" to assist in their agitation. If need be, the mock parliament could also contact other associations controlled by smugglers, mafia men and declared ruffians and approach for their assistance. This will definitely encourage the spirit of the men involved in the agitation, the mock parliament believes.

# The mock parliament also decides to convey to the Nepali King that Nepal no more needed real parliament simply because the people in the open could see their activities in the open. The parliament also decided that the ongoing mock parliament should travel to the districts and remote villages in order to entertain those denizens who don’t have means for a television, radio or watching cinema. It is hoped that the people in the remote parts will enjoy the session of such mock parliaments.

# The mock parliament unanimously expressed its solidarity to the request of a sizeable number of mock parliamentarians that they be allowed to take a short nap while the mock session were in progress. The parliament approved the request gleefully and hoped that other parliamentarians in the globe too would incorporate this "unique" Nepali decision.

# The mock parliament unanimously decides that the donors henceforth must channel their money and the projects thus run by them through the consent of the Nepali politicians. The parliament also decides that any vacancy in the donor funded projects must give preference to the cadres and the relatives of the politicians. To monitor this, a cell would be created.

# The mock parliament also decides that the children of the parliamentarians be allowed to study in foreign colleges and schools and the funding must be borne by the government. It is mandatory.

# The mock parliament decides that since Pajero/Prado vehicles have become outmoded, hence the parliamentarians be offered a "pilatus-porter"(a three seater plane) each and that too free. The government would pay the gasoline bills.

# The mock parliament also suggested the King of Nepal to dismantle the anti-corruption authority, the CIAA, so that the parliamentarians and the ministers could have sound sleep. The presence of the CIAA has been disturbing their peace of mind in more ways than one.

# The mock parliament also decided that film theatres in Nepal be closed down henceforth. It’s not the Indian films that will entertain the population, but the politicians or for that matter the leaders will themselves stage the drama. This will save money from being siphoned to foreign countries.

# The parliament happily announces the endorsement of a proposal that any cabinet that is formed in the near future be allowed tenure of fifteen years. Even the King can’t dismantle this cabinet under article 127. The idea is to let the ministers amass wealth for all along fifteen years so that they could no more be called poor men. The rest of the real poverty stricken population be bombed at one place so that poor and poverty both vanish from Nepal.

# The mock parliament decided to seek the assistance of some of the declared "Nepal experts" in the Indian establishment in pressing the Nepali King to yield to their demands. The procedures, as was approved, would be much similar to how the Indian leaders like Chandra Shekhar, Subramanyan Swami, Surjeet and the likes were awarded a red carpet welcome during the "historic" early days of the 1990s.

# A proposal was also approved that sought clarification from K.V.Rajan as to why he damaged the prospects of Madhav Nepal being appointed as Nepal’s prime minister. Nepal’s Ambassador in Delhi has been told to summon Ambassador Rajan and seek his clarifications.

# Finally, the mock parliament assures the Nepali population that they will come up with some more funny resolutions in the next session of the next mock parliament.

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