2nd Impression The Telegraph

S E C O N D I M P R E S S I O N

With Malice to None
Deuba's tête-à-tête with Dr. Man Mohan Singh

N.P.Upadhyaya

Indian Prime Minister greets his Nepali counterpart at his office. They express their satisfaction over the 'forcefully' kept sound state of bilateral relations. They thus begin their talks in a friendly manner as the Premiers of Nepal and India have been doing since 1950 till to day. The secret talks between the two prime ministers lasted for forty-five minutes which is presumably as follows:

Dr. Singh: Oye! Mr. Duba! Sat Siri Akal!

Deuba: Balle! Balle! Dr. Saheb!

(Suddenly Deuba sees a full-size oil-painting of Mrs. Sonia Gandhi in his front on the wall and he salutes with full devotion)

Dr. Singh: Mr. Duba! What is this caste, will you tell me?

Deuba: At first let me make you clear that I'm Deuba not Duba.

Dr. Singh: In India, Duba is taken as the one that is a sunken man! A sunken horse, to be more specific. Are you that?

Deuba: No! I am Deuba, a special Thakuri class in western Nepal, close to your Lucknow. We are close to the caste of Maharana Pratap-the legendary warrior of your country.

Dr. Singh: Which Lucknow?

Deuba: You don't know Lucknow! This is a place where Madhav Jee met comrade Prachanda last November. It is the place where they had a four hour-long chat. It is also a place where one could buy arms and ammunitions.

Dr. Singh: Yeh to koi baat naih hui munde! How Madhav could know that Prachanda was in Lucknow?

Deuba: Don't ask Punjab Da Puttar, this Lilliputian Madhav is a brilliant personality. Beginning with a bank cashier, he is now a veteran communist leader. He is close to all.

Dr. Singh: Let's change the topic. Tell me how is Koirala, the lanky political leader?

Deuba: Oh! Don't talk about Koirala? I have a sort of allergy for him.

Dr. Singh: But when we met last month, he said that you have been thinking on the lines to handover the system to the palace?

Deuba: That's why I'm saying you to change the topic. He is extremely hurt when I took over the current post, which he was expecting for himself. The King suddenly appointed me as PM.

Dr. Singh: Well! Well! Well! I got the point. Okay. But tell him my regards when you see him in Kathmandu.

Deuba: Well, Mr. Prime Minister to come to the mission which brought me to Delhi is that I need your support because the Maoists have created havoc in Nepal. Please help me.

Dr. Singh: Which Maoists? I don't have any idea on what you have been saying. Maoists of China?

Deuba: Madhav Nepal and Koirala too suspect that your authorities have been supporting the Nepali Maoists!

Dr. Singh: At least I don't have that information. May be some other lobbies inimical to Nepal could be supporting them? Officially we have not supported them. Even if we support them, we do so in a guarded manner as we did with late B.P when he was in exile in the early 1960s.

Deuba: You know our Prachanda?

Dr. Singh: How could I know him? But who is Prachanda any way? The name itself sounds he should be a gigantic personality! Is he that? Or he simply chose a name to terrify others?

Deuba: He is the paramount leader of the Maoists movement supposedly some where around Delhi!

Dr. Singh: Delhi is a mess. We have Pakistanis and B'deshis here. We all look alike. Since Nepalese have a mongloid face, they are easily recognizable and we pleasingly call them as Bahadurs! They are good Durbans and security guards. So what should I do for you?

Deuba: Please send him message that Nepali side is ready for talks and provide certain tangible concessions as well.

Dr. Singh: Why should I do this? I am angry with them these days.

Deuba: But why? We were told that they have forged a sort of linkages with Indian leaders and bureaucrats and enjoy their clandestine favor. Better ask Shyam Saran who is now the FS here. You can also contact Ambassador K.V.Rajan.

Dr. Singh: I have reasons to be unhappy with them. Look, they posed for long that they were India's good friends. And now they say that we are "expansionists"! This is unacceptable. It has hurt our sentiments. I will see them.

Deuba: Don't be angry with them. After all, the Nepali communists have made it a habit to blame India as and when elections come closer or India hurts their sentiments. I know that you the Indians are no "expansionists". You just wish "expanded" relations with Nepal and other neighbors on your terms. The two terminologies must not be confused.

Dr. Singh: Okay! I will convince them to go for the talks. But on one condition only. Should I tell you?

Deuba: Yes please! I will be pleased to listen to your condition. I recall that we have had the "golden" opportunities in the past to fulfill your never-ending conditions. This time you have only one. Proceed.

Dr. Singh: I need waters and finalization of the extradition treaty that accommodates all our terms. An annex to it would be that you have to review the 1950 treaty on terms dictated by our bureaucrats whose India favoring drafting capabilities remain unparalleled in the region. You have just to say okay to our draft. Got the point?

Deuba: That's all? Oh! I was terrified at first thinking that you might ask my Kathmandu chair. But it was not that. Okay! I will prove to be a very "good-boy" for your concerns.

Dr. Singh: But how you will manage?

Deuba: Look, how intelligent I'm. I knew in advance that you will have some conditions so what I decided is that those who were considered to be the potential threats in fulfilling your conditions are all with me in this entourage. Now when they are here, they can't create problems if I agree to your insulting conditions. That was my brain. You have to admire my brain although I am considered to be an incompetent one in Kathmandu.

Dr. Singh: That's like a good boy. I am pleased. Rest assured Mr. Deuba, I would manage a scholarship for your son when he comes of his age. This we do at times to keep our declared and undeclared friends in good humor.

Deuba: Thanks Mr. Prime Minister. I am happy that you have exhibited concern over the future of my son. A fatherly gesture indeed. You know, Madhav Nepal's daughter also is in Delhi enjoying Indian scholarship. And so many others are here who have secured such scholarships through the use of their own channels. Nepalese are really great in managing scholarships.

Dr. Singh: Okay then, I wish that you stuck to your words. I recall that it were you then with the same set in government who had handed over Mahakali to us at a dirt price. Keep it up. You will be in our good book. I will try to replace Thapa's name from our secret diary and put your name as the one "trusted and tested".

Deuba: It would be my pleasure to serve to you for all time to come. After all our entire fate is attached to each other.

Dr.Singh: Any thing more?

Deuba: Lastly, I need some arms and ammunitions to kill my own Nepali brethren who have become Maoists.

Dr. Singh: Yes! We have a design to kill the Nepalese, using the Nepalese themselves, that's all! But don't tell your king and the people or else our plan will get exposed.

Deuba appears to be in an exciting mood for having bagged Indian support. His Delhi trip would occupy a place in Nepal's history, this he concludes. His excitement grew to the extent that he began challenging his rival Koirala by saying that O Ye! Koirala! Look what I brought from my India trip? He thus began telling Girija of his accomplishments in a much louder voice that had its impact on those who were in that very particular room at that moment. A sort of panic was created in his room wherein Mrs. Deuba had to intervene to bring back normalcy in the room.

Mrs. Deuba sprinkled some water in her husband's face to which he responded in a frightened and puzzling manner.

Don't dream dear husband, is what Deuba heard. A panicked junior Deuba at times looked to his dad's face and that of his mom's.